It sort of stings, and chokes me, makes me breathe hard. I feel sick to my stomach, and I feel cold. I don’t understand. None of it makes sense. This is my fault, and it’s better for him. She is closer. She is kinder and funnier. This is only me assuming, but it makes sense. That does at least. But it still burns me.

Omgggg I cannootttt believe it is almost xmas eve!! Dayamn where'd the year go??
I'm so excited for tomorrow
PReessseeenntttssss and goooooddddd fooodddd
I'm just a little worried because it'll be weird without my sister. This is the first xmas I've ever had without her-coz she's on a gap year in Edinburgh, Scotland. She's staying with some guys and she'll be having a white xmas! Lucky lol it's sunny as hell here.
Also my friends Dannah and Meghan aren't in NZ for xmas either. Dannah's just gone back to the Philippines and Meghan's in DUbai again I think-but she might be in ROme still, I don't know
I haven't updated this in a long time. A few things have happened. I went to my mate Lachlan's 16th. It was kinda slow at the start-me and ma girls walked in and there were like 10 people just sitting around listening to rock and we were like aww...but later on the older people like Lachy's big bro and his mates and this guy who I'm in love with pretty much (lol) showed up and then the music switched to hip hop and techno sorta stuff so there was some dancing. FInally got to see my old friend Helen who had been at boarding school, and she looked after me while I got drunk and she got high off the energy drinks lol. I went as like a greek/roman person, and my mate Hannah went as Minnie Mouse, Sarah as a cow girl, Lachy as radio active man from the Simpsons, Hannah's boyfriend Bonga (or Drew) was gonna go as gangsta santa, but the santa costume didn't fit lol so he just went gangsta. Simon went as Cripz, and James went as Simon lol-he like got Simon's clothes and a blonde wig hahah it was great. Not many other people dressed up but it was still good. Oh!! Cogan went as a girl lol THat was pretty hot, I tell ya! But man I was so happy lol I got to run all around the field with the guy I liked It was great! And then we found Claye's phone, and we were like trying to figure out who to text off it, but we couldn't lol we were like out of it I guess. THen we saw Sarah, and she noticed like that the guy's shirt was tucked into his pants and she was like wtf? And we said we found CLaye's phone. And so she was gonna help us figure out who to text, but then Claye was like "Shaaayy!!" and ran at us and I was like give me the phone! And Shay tried to give it to me but I forgot to catch it and it landed on the concrete and the back and the battery came off haha and then Claye pushed Shay who hit into me and I got owned on the concrete. I had a bleeding elbow and knee, and had managed to bite my lip and I later got these massive as ulcers from it. F you CLaye!! GRRR!
But Shay kept saying he'd come to six aside soccer, coz me and Meghan had been trying to get him to come for weeks and weeks, and I was just like yeaaahh right! And he was like naahh nahh I will!!! And then it was 12 and I had to wait for my mum at the gate, and Shay was like, I'll wait with you, and I was like yusss but then this dude showed up saying he was gonna smash up Stephen, who ended up punching the dude. THis resulted in everyone having to go inside because people kept showing up. So Shay had to go inside and I was pretty guttered, but Stephen stayed with me outside. It was a really weird moment farrk lol he was just like standing next to me for a bit and then was like "Soo...you've got pretty big breasts," and I was just like omfg I can't believe he just said that!! I was like ummm...you too?? And he made me like grab his pecks lol, but dayamn he is fucking hot, Stephen is, but he's like 19 now and it's sorta weird lol. He's a bit of a player-but I'll give it to him-he's hot. But I didn't do anything with it, it was just weird a few days later when I went around to Lachy's house and he was there, and he was like half naked and COgan made me touch his arm. Dayamnn.....he has friggin abs and everything aww man lol wish I was 19 and that my sister had never gone out with him and they didn't hate each other now lol.
But Shay actuallyyyyy did go to soccer! I knew he wouldn't I just knew it-but then he proved me wrong lol. THe poo bum didn't even play though-but he had no sprigs or sports shoes so I don't blame him I guess coz we get pretty rough sometimes. But he stayed and watched in someone's car Coz It started raining. But then he left after a while, but I was still glad he kept his promise for once. And for me. I hope he will like me one day, but it just seems a little far fetched because he's friggin hot too and he's left school to go become a builder and he's a year older and he's probably still in love with the German exchange student. But I still hope, coz it's gotta be possible.
Not much else has happened of late-I've just been psyching myself up for Tomb Raider Underworld which I will finally be able to play soon as I am getting it for Christmas.
Hope everything is well for everyone else, and Merry XMAS!! YAAAYYY IT'S CHRISTMAS EvE YUSSS

Today was a O.K.
Not too bad
Not too great
Just okayyy...
Some good moments though
I love my friends. I never realised it before how fucking important they are to me.
Love you Dannah, you my bestie forever, you always make me laugh and we are Pigeons foreverrrr!
Meghan you're such a great friend!! Best listener I know, fucking hilarious, and totally random like me. I don't know what I'm going to do when you move away for Uni...
Nomes-Oohh you so fiinnnee hahah and don't you (and Simon) know it!! Hahah nah you're hilarious, and one hell of an actress I hope you throw out those nannying dreams of yours and become an actress. Hopefully you'd get further than Haussy and Szybowski
Ashleyyy was gunna call you Ash but I remembered you hate that lol ahaha I admire you so much. Especially since your accident on camp last year. I had a feeling someone was gunna break their leg from that drop...2 metres and they were asking us to jump? Yeahhh...but I don't know how you did it. Mr Haussmann put your leg back in place when yous were stuck down there, and I can only imagine what it must have felt like. It was scary seeing all of your house class come back to camp...it's like you'd died, and I could tell Nomes had been crying. But I love you to bits; that's the main point of this, and I'm just telling the world how kind you are.
Simon...you are honestly just awesome. I think you and Naomi are a great couple and hope yous last forever. You're one of those people I just sorta...get you know? And it sounds silly but I just understand you. And you're hilarious, haha I love txting you...you're the best guy to txt!
Shavaughan. BY god I can't explain how much I miss you. I love you so much, you're like a sister to me. I can't believe how far away you've moved now. It seemed like just yesterday I could bike down the road and we'd go hang at South School. Now you're in Kalgoorlie, Australia. I can't wait til I see you again, I love you heaps.

I have more friends but these are my best.
I saw a Youtube video and it was asking, are you anybody's favourite person? ANd I was like probably not, but I know my favourite people. And they are the six listed above.

FUCK YOU CLAYE FUCK YOU!!!!
I hate you sooo much can't believe what you made me think grrrr >

I love everyone else though
Especially Shay...

God, everything's so boring and uniform these days. Even with my grand parents here....(My mum and dad went to visit my sis in England and Scotland etc...(left me behind :'( ))...it's still all the same. Everyday, get up at 7am, manage to get to school at about 8:20ish, and then we just all "mong" (as some of the boys and Murph's mum's been saying lol) in the science block outside the lockers by the heaters. Say hi to Zoe-dawg and Ashleigh and Shane-O. Then more people come, then we all get to talking bout random shit like the Olympics-(Random...but! Did you know at the Beijing Olympics they had the little girl singing?? She was lip syncing! The actual singer was "not pretty enough"!!!! SICK PEOPLE!) and then the bell eventually rings and me and Dannah sit in front of the heaters and wait for Mr Dorey to open the door to our house class. Then we tally up the golds, silvers and bronzes the countries we got (I'm Italy ) have and we get chocolate for random things, like having the most bronzes etc. Then Mr Dorey reads the notices and then it's first period. THen break-we head to the performing arts room and sit around and eat and beat each other up or trip out on the wheely chair lol. Then two boring periods and then lunch time and we watch the olympics in Mr Haussy's room and it's so effing boring but there's nothing else to do coz it's winter and it's friggin raining all the time
I want some variety yano...need something new.